To my little baby.. Aisya Qaisara...
Mama is so in the mood to tell you about my journey towards having you, my sweet litte baby around my arms..Although it is considered late as you are already 14 months when i'm writing this.. but better late than never, rite?
Well, actually mama and ayah was not really planning to have another baby at that time.. Why? Since your abang is still very small- he's 8 months.. and since your ayah is working far (well not that far.. Melaka jer..).. I had to do everything on my own..
raising abang danial alone, while mama and your abang menempek kat rumah mama chor during weekdays.. i've to handle everything.. it's not an easy job tau sayang... being a single mother.. ayah only came home to see mama and abang during weekends.. jungling between work and being a mother..
But Allah is great, He send you to me just when i thought i had enough with being away from your ayah.. the pregnancy test showed double line- which is positive.. Positive that you a re now in mama's tummy.. as small as 1 dot..
don't ask where do babies came from.. My answer is 'mama tak tau..' hahahaha.. that's what opah told me when i asked her the same question..
So, you grew in me beautifully... while mama stress+happy+serabut+meroyan+afraid all at the same time.. mama takut.. takut kalau mama tak boleh jadi a good mother to you and your abang.. takut kalau ayah takder.. macam mana mama nak handle 2 sekali?
When i was 3 months pregnant, another challenging episode..
appendix!! sakit perut, and your ayah @ melaka.. i had to drive myself to emergency room...
alone, suffered, worried.. sian mama kan?
doctors had to cut me, while you were still inside...
and they did... Alhamdulillah, you were not awaken from your sleep... what else you would be doing in my tummy, rite?
that scary experience is done!
Allah granted my doa.. your ayah transfered back to mama's side when I was 6 months preggy...
Then, few weeks after.. ayah was admitted in hopsital becoz of his gastro problem.. Sian ayah.. so, mama have got no time to really take care of myself.. mana nak tengok ayah, jaga abang danial, kerja...
That time, tetiba ada air keluar.. mama ingat kot mama terkencing..
So, tak kesah..
Tapi makin lama makin banyak...
Guess what?
My waterbag leaked..!!!!
Doctors said that the chances of you surviving is better out than inside my tummy.. because there were infections somewhere down there..a bad bad infection... that caused my waterbag to leak..
hmmm..another scary episode about to happen..
just after 4 months of my appendix operation, had to be cut one more time...
That time I'm so worried sayang..there were so many things that came across my mind.. what if you were not healthy..? What if you were injured during the c-section operation..?
what if......?
what if......?
Mama hanya mampu menangis dan berdoa..
Ayah? Opah cerita, ayah caca terperuk kat tepi tiang.. he's too worried...
Doctors (your paeds and my gynea) told him, to be prepared.. as anything could happen on the table.. anything could happen to you or me..
While abang danial kat rumah babysitter, mama bertarung nyawa dalam operation theatre.. (hey thats rhyme!)
So, there you were.. Brought to this world, @ 30 weeks of my pregnancy, on Monday 12 October 2009, 1.3kg je tauuuuu... So tiny..
My little angle
incubated in NICU for 2 weeks...
mama and ayah sebok amek gambar caca..
you had to be in the incubator thinggy all alone....i couldn't described how much i miss you that time.. what a brave and strong girl you are!
3 weeks old.. stil incubated @ nursery..made an attempt to breastfeed you..
mama cam monster kan? sebab caca kecik sangat...
I hope when you are big enough to reads, and big enough to understand..
i just want you to know how much mama and ayah really love you...
with all of our heart..
and you too danial.. :)
